On the mend

Dear Maisie, Today, may be one of my favorite days ever. Lawns mowed, house painted and a baby girl (you) on the mend. Close to heavenly.

Seeing you smiley and happy after a few days of serious un-happiness... is cause for celebration. Health is nothing to be taken for granted. Another lesson (big enough thank you universe) in appreciating good health and each other. xo

(You had Bronchiolitis) A few trips to the emergency room, and a whole lot of doctors and medication and nebulizers later, we're back on track-ish. So grateful. So so so grateful.

Never wanted nothing more.

I never had a plan. I didn't. I didn't see myself in the future. Didn't have an idea of what I wanted my life to be. I just lived it. I just went moment to moment.

Living on cruise ships for 6 years will turn anyone into a bit of a gypsy. Sailing different seas, wandering the shorelines of many different countries, breathing in the air from foreign cultures, smelling Moroccan spices, Egyptian pyramids, Italian trattorias, and Thai food cooking on the streets. Craving the next big adventure. I wasn't sure I would ever stay still long enough to own a home, a car or have my clothes in drawers. It took a while, it took countless experiences. But, when I was done with ships... I was done. Putting the pieces together for a photography career on land. A few weddings each summer while traveling turned into more. I was home. Loving the air here. The salty, damp, west coast air. I started. I jumped. I trusted. I didn't have a plan. Just had my gypsy heart and all sorts of inspiration.

Dancing around the kitchen this morning with Maisie Lu, I realized that I may not be able to enjoy her as much if she was part of a plan. You can't plan miracles. She is the result of two lives. Bryce's and mine, coming together at exactly the right time. As we spun around to Kenny Chesney, with barefeet on the cool tile floor, laughing and hugging. His words filled the kitchen.

"And I'm sure happy With what I've got. I live to love and laugh a lot, And thats all I need.

Never wanted nothin' more. And I never wanted nothin' more."

If I could go back I would tell myself "It will be better than you can imagine. Just trust me." Potentially saving me a few tears, heartaches and stresses about decisions. I wish I could tell myself. "You are making the right choices. Even the wrong ones, are right."

If you don't have a big plan... sometimes life unfolds the most beautiful mysteries, right before your eyes.

On Luck and Lotteries

Recently a local Campbell River family won $35.7 million dollars on a Lotto Max ticket.

They live a few blocks away from us. Campbell River is a small town and that is a lot of money. Everyone is talking about it. At the grocery store, on the sea walk, walking dogs. Everywhere, and most everyone.

I've heard people say crazy things. It seems everyone knows how this family should spend their money, and are even dividing it up for them. I can't even imagine what that kind of money does. I mean, let's be honest here. If I knew my brother had won 35 million dollars, I'd be hoping our mortgage would be paid off. But isn't that weird? It's not my money, I have no claim on it. But, I bet you'd be bitter if your sibling or friend won that kind of money, and didn't share. Isn't that weird!?! I heard someone say "I hope they spread it around", "I hope they remember the community center, the food bank.". I thought that was interesting or crazy. We all presume to think we know what to do, or what not to do, or what we'd do. But we don't.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I'd be the worst person to win the lotto. For real.

I realize that financial freedom comes with great rewards. Immense rewards. We all think, that would be the best gift. But would it? You may just find that, that amount of money would cause incredible grief and sleepless nights as well. You may want to pay off everyone's mortgages family, friends... but which friends. How many friends. Which family members? All of them? Some of them? Your favorites? I'd be willing to bet that a whole lot of trouble would come with a great big pile of money. Of course you could pay off all debts, buy some fancy things, charter planes, buy stuff, be rich, give to charity but... who knows what that really costs.

Would I pass up millions of dollars? Likely not. But, sitting here in my own little life I already know that my fortune is our health. Our baby. Our life. I've said it before, and I truly believe it. I've got no doubt that this lucky family will enjoy and LOVE their lucky little ticket. But, if you are envious, or jealous... I'd bet you could count your blessings RIGHT NOW and know that you already have your own fortune. Right where you are. Right now. Without lotteries.

I found this via Pinterest yesterday, and knew I had to share. "If you have food in your fridge, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of the world." {Full Post HERE}

Just something to think about. Here is my fortune. Smelling flowers and laughing at the wind.

In between

It's in between the big moments, that all of the sweetness surfaces.

It's the things that aren't necessarily big things that I find the most heart melting, soul dancing beauty. It's tonight, her in her jammies, wet hair from her warm bath. Sitting on my lap. Us rocking back and forth. Her humming along to me singing the "Baby Beluga" book we read every night. It's me staring into her eyes, her looking up at me. Trusting me. Searching me. In that moment, I have a flash of one year before. Being home for the first night. Without nurses, doctors, machines. Without backup. Yes... Bryce is back up. But, he has to work in the morning, and it's all me. You think you'll be a pro instantly... maybe.

You think, how hard can it be? She's a baby. I'm an adult, a super auntie, I'm great with babies... Newborns and newly born first time mommies... it's different. You fumble. You are scrambling. You try and appear composed. You are not. You have absolutely NO idea what you are doing. What you are supposed to be doing, and you have no idea why no one told you that you wouldn't have any idea what to do. Does the baby (the brand new baby) sleep in the bed? In the bassinet? In the crib? Does she sleep in jammies? In a blanket? Swaddled? Not swaddled? Should I wake her after 3 hours to eat, or let that sleeping baby sleep. They tell you to feed them every three hours. Will she starve? Is that noise she made normal. Is she fine. Am I fine. Is she gassy, is she hungry, shouldn't she be sleeping. Maybe I'll change her, she's probably too hot.. too cold. Maybe she's hungry again, did I hurt her, is she ok. What time is it? Where am I? Is this baby crying again? Where are the nurses. Why is no one helping me. Who is this baby? Who am I? I'm tired? Shouldn't everyone be asleep? Am I asleep, is she? How long has this been going on? Then, it's morning. We're both in the bed. Bryce long gone to work. This perfect faced baby finally asleep beside me. After the longest night of my life. I am so tired. I've been awake for days. But all I can do is stare at her beautiful face. Tracing over each delicate line on every little neck roll. (Okay, delicate isn't the right word) I'm just staring at her. Drinking in her sweet baby smell. I can barely imagine life without her, yet she's only been in the world for 4 days. Our first morning in our bed. Soaking in the morning sunlight. I'm so tired I should be sleeping, but all I can do is marvel at her miraculous face.

One year later, reading her book to her, and feeling the weight of her 27 pound body against mine. I soak up her smell, our sweetness. Her room. The smell of her breath, the sound of her humming along.

In between the big moments, are all the most glorious moments along the way. I'm doing my best to breathe deep and absorb. She is my first baby. The only first baby I will ever know, ever have. I'm so in love with all of our firsts.

One year later. Our daily everythings are different than that first night at home. I've learned so much, and nothing at all. I know one thing for sure, in between all of the minutes of the day are still, sweet moments just waiting to be savored.

Special thanks to my amazing sister Kaylee, for turning the camera on my girl and I. I cherish these images. (ps. Don't you think she should be working with me!!! She's an absolute natural.)

Born on the 5th of April.

It appears April 5th is a perfect day to be born. Not only was my little Maisie Lu born on April 5th, but my mom was also born that date (a few years prior).

I didn't want her to be born on my moms birthday. Not in a mean way, but in a "ohhh, I want her to have her OWN birthday." However, now that it has in fact happened. I realize how special it is. People are born every day. Every single day. In each moment, someone is born. There is no "new" day to be born. It's all been done before.

When your baby girl is born on your moms birthday. Consider it special. I do, now. I hope these two girls will continue to share many, many happy birthday's together for years to come. I want to do a photo shoot every year on (or close to) April 5th, to celebrate a unique Grandma/Maisie connection and to serve as a constant reminder that life is truly awesome.

Here is my baby girl and her grandma, born one year ago... on my moms birthday.