Believe everyone when they say, it goes by so quickly.I still believe Maisie Lu is a little baby. But, judging by the photos of me holding her now... her half the size of me. I know now. It has already gone so quickly. I know how cliche it is, to say these things, but I'm going to say it anyways... she's turning into a big girl, right before my eyes. Although, I still feel like she's only minutes old. She's nine months old. So sweet. So precious. So worth every moment, of every little thing. Here is a brief look at my baby girl, getting big.
Wishing you all a tremendous New Years Eve.
Looking forward to fresh starts, new ventures and a clean slate with 2011.
A winter wonderland
In our own backyard. It's a snow day, and a beautiful one at that.
It's Maisie's first time seeing snow, and I like it. And, yah my baby is wearing a pink tutu in the snow. Don't judge me.
Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be."
— Shel Silverstein
Bryce's Birthday
Today, is Bryce's birthday.
He's out at the barbeque pit, grilling fresh tuna steaks, drinking a corona with an old friend. This is far more information already than he would like me to share with anyone.
But it's his birthday, and I'll do what I want... oh.. wait.
I've been thinking and we've been talking lately about choices. I am a firm believer that we choose what we do, how we act, who we are, how we are... and who we love. Yes, love is funny, unpredictable and a bit wild. But, we choose each other. We all know that life is short, fragile, impermanent. Who we spend our time with on this earth, should most certainly be our choices.
I choose Bryce. I choose to spend most of my time, in every single day... with him. With the baby we created together. Its a choice. At any time, I could and can walk out. When things get annoying, emotional, hard, frustrating, I could walk out. So could he. He could get so irritated with our little things and choose to pack up and leave. But he doesn't. We don't. We choose each other.
To me, its so profound, and so simple. Each day, each moment... you are not stuck in some life. You are in this world. On this earth. With this partner, friend, dog, children, parents... it is remarkable. It isn't a race to something else. It is every single breath. Every single moment.
When we touched down in Maui last night, it was pouring rain. "It never does this" the shuttle driver shook her head. I took a deep breath and almost laughed out loud. Big tropical raindrops, pouring from the sky. It was late, we were tired, waiting with a very sleepy baby, and it was raining in Maui. But, it was beautiful.
My baby and I, waiting outside watching our Bryce inside in the car rental line up... she waved, a big brand new, "I just learned this today" wave... right to him. He looked as though he had just won the lottery. Her joy, his pride, our moments... the rain. All wrapped up in our life.
In that moment, my universe was perfect. I know that things can always change, that life can have its dark times, its sadness, its very big lessons. But, right then, in that moment, the three of us together, were our own brand of perfect.
Relationships are hard, agreed. They are a lot of work, yup. They are also easy to walk away from, unless you choose to lay down your ego, and see the other persons light.
In this life, with so many uncertainties, it really is nice to have you beside me Bryce. I get us. I choose us. I know, that every choice along the way, good and bad, I've made... has brought us, right here. Your choices too, every single one. Right here, with this marvelous little soul. It is all, it has all... been worth it. Everything.
Looking at Maisie Lu, I know, we've done all kinds of things right.
Happy Birthday BC.
I love you.
ox
On being beautiful
A few things have inspired this post lately.
Its funny how that happens.
It has come up in a variety of different ways, for a few different reasons. All in diverse forms, with the same core.
Pretty and beautiful are different.
Last night I watched THIS video. Where Katie Makkai defines the word "pretty". At the end of the video, I wanted to stand up and cheer. Yes, exactly.
There has been times in my life, where I haven't felt all that beautiful. We all have moments of insecurity, of feeling not all that hot. Why. Who am I trying to be, that I am not already good enough. Why would I feel down on myself? Because I don't have a particular brand of something, or a designer dress (or closet full of them). Who am I trying to look like? Be like? Does it matter? Strip us all down, put us all in paper bags in a field (I feel a photo shoot coming on)... and then what. Who is beautiful now? Take off the makeup. Who is beautiful.
Have you ever met someone who glows. Is radiant. Then wondered why they are? The other day, I saw a friend of mine, who I've seen a hundred times. She was glowing. Truly. Not bronzer, or makeup, like she said. Her joy, her light... truly was shining. Beautiful. That is beauty.
Ever seen someone inspired, or doing what they are passionate about? Beautiful. Recently another friend was preparing herself for her wedding. In Mexico. The room was spinning, time has slipped away, and her children weren't ready yet, and they were looking and clearly feeling a bit disheveled. The bride wasn't even close to being ready yet... she could have been caught up in the moment of it being her "special" day, but instead, she noticed her little girls feelings, and immediately tended to them, helped them. While she herself, was still a mess. "I can throw myself together in a second" she said. Putting the hearts and emotions of her girls before her own. Beautiful.
Acts of true love, real compassion, charity, grace... all beautiful. Being greedy, spoiled, unaware of your impact on the world... not all that beautiful. At least through my eyes.
Have you ever seen a man look at his wife/partner after she has just given birth. It is not necessarily a 'pretty' moment. But, she is beautiful, inspiring and remarkable. The look is awe. He is amazed, he is more in love with her than he ever has been. She is not wearing a thousand dollar dress, and her body is literally broken. But her spirit, her passion, her miraculous ability to give life, has left him speechless. I said to Heather after having Maisie, "but I'm a mess. A total mess". She replied... "but have you seen the way Bryce is looking at you". Then, I did.
Beautiful is the way you treat people. In every day life. How you interact with the janitor that cleans your classroom. Just because you are the teacher, and they are the janitorial staff... doesn't make you any better. Beautiful is how you react to situations in your life. How you make the best of the worst. How you could be cold, and mean and bitter... but instead, you decide to let your own light shine. Inspiring others around you. Beautiful isn't pretty.
Beautiful is compassion. Is warmth. Is love. Beautiful is a child's imagination, not their clothing.
Don't get me wrong. I am not going to walk around in a paper bag, with no makeup waving my broomstick around any time soon. I will buy Maisie adorable outfits. I like to feel good, I have the luxury to wear clothes that I feel flatter my strengths, hide my weaknesses, I am still a woman. But I also know, that nothing superficial will let me be amazing. That will be my job, from my core...out.
I am a work in progress, but like the video says... I will wear JOY. I will teach Maisie how to wear passion, and put on love and to show up wearing her brand new source of inspiration. They will be her most dazzling outfits. I will teach her to feel beautiful, from the inside out. Or, I will do my very hardest, make it my mission in life, to try and get through some of that to her. Let that be my legacy for her. That she will know that what really makes her special, and unique and miraculous, is that she is the only one of her, ever in the world. Others will have her same name, they will have the same shoes, but what can be incredible about her... is her heart. Her light. It is different and unique and sparkly without any fancy shoes... however, fancy shoes can certainly be fun.